You know Sandra Lee – She’s the queen of “Semi-Homemade” on the Food Network.
As my sister Ronnie says, Sandra doesn’t cook – she combines. She shamelessly mixes processed, pre-made ingredients with fresh ones to make it look like she’s cooking. It’s everything that’s wrong with American cooking.
Take for example Sandra Lee’s trio of recipes for macaroni and cheese – all using a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese as the main ingredient. To make it Mexican, add some spices and …more cheese. To make it Italian, just sprinkle some Italian breadcrumbs on top! And add broccoli to make it, well, disgusting.
Now, Kraft Mac and Cheese is the perfect “I’m too lazy to go to the market and get something healthy”cooking. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve had the stuff for dinner on occasion – but it’s a cave in to laziness, a sign of defeat, and I’m not proud of it. I certainly wouldn’t take a photo of it and put it on my website! (Oh, wait – I just did…)
Of course, I’m not the only one out here having problems with Sandra. Almost every food blogger has an anti-Sandra Lee post.
But Joe Desalazar has taken the anti-Sandra sentiment to a whole new degree, leading the charge with an “I loathe Sandra Lee” recipe meme on his blog FoodieNYC. This month, Joe is challenging us all to make Sandra’s latest recipe for overcooked chicken breast in cream of mushroom soup, and to post a picture of the entire mess on our blog.
Well, Joe, since I don’t have crockpot, I couldn’t make the dish. So instead, figuring it was time somebody did the obvious, I wrote Sandra Lee her anthem. And wouldn’t you know it? Since I stole the music from the musical Grease, the song is only semi-homemade!
I’m Sandra Lee (with apologies to Stockard Channing…)
Double click to play and sing along!
Look at me, I’m Sandra Lee,
I got no creativity.
Won’t make a meal using anything real –
I can’t, I’m Sandra Lee!
Watch me! I‘m not Julia Child.
I don’t use anything grown wild.
I’m corporate paid making semi-homemade.
I’m rich, I’m Sandra Lee!
(spoken)
I don’t cook, I combine.
If it’s canned, it’s just fine.
I don’t care if it’s healthy or green.
Get off your high horse, this is no cooking course –
Would you pull that crap with Paula Dean?
Don’t you wonder how I stay
so skinny when I cook this way?
It’s really no trick, my own food makes me sick –
I’m not stupid, I’m Sandra Lee!
(Spoken)
Now just add a can of cream of mushroom soup, some baby marshmallows, canned mandarin oranges and a box of Duncan Hines cakemix.
Cook it in your crockpot for four hours and serve!
And remember –
Why make it healthy? Why make it delicious?
When you can make it –
Semi-Homemade!
____________________________________________
Thanks to Rachel for pointing me to Joe’s blog. And to PinkPii for the instrumental music.
There is a giant puddle of Fresca where my shiny laptop used to be.
I HATE Sandra Lee.
Hate.
You haven’t even seen her *WORST* recipe…
Here. Don’t say I didn’t warn you
LOL.
I have never seen that show, but she looks likes the right person to keep in mind when I need somebody new to hate.
ERIC –
You need to get all that hate out of you. It’s unhealthy. You need to SING IT AWAY!
So put down that Fresca, click on that arrow and sing! Sing! Sing!
Purplesque –
Tsk, tsk…We never use the word hate on this blog. We only have love and humor in our hearts.
You must sing all that hate out of your heart! Channel your inner Sandra Lee and sing! Sing! Sing!
Eric –
PS – I have seen that recipe, via the Amateur Gourmet. It’s a classic.
Good grief. I had no idea this existed – that’s what I get for not watching TV. This is pure, unadulterated, take-advantage-of-the-less-intelligent-people stuff. How on earth does she sleep at night? How do we start a movement for “if you can’t pronounce what’s in it you shouldn’t be eating it”?
Sandra Lee doesn’t eat…she only drinks. As she says in EVERY episode…”You know I LOVE my cocktails…” I saw her make what she called a “kiddie cocktail” in the blender (ice cream, chocolate, syrup, chocolate chips, etc.) and then she made it her own by adding a healthy wallop of choclate liquer. Trust me – the woman is pickled. But I dont hate her because that would nto be nice:)
-OBS Housekeeper
Oh my … by virtue of my not having a whole lot of food bloggers on my regular reading list and not having cable, this is the first I’ve heard of this woman. I guess the Food Network is sinking pretty low, huh? Her cooking reminds me of Flea’s recipe contest from some time ago ( http://buggydoo.blogspot.com/2006/02/contest-contest-is-now-closed.html ) asking for people’s most embarrassing recipes. The entries in the comments are absolutely cringe-inducing.
The song is perfect.
OMG! There is actually a cook book out that proudly states the NOTHING is homemade????
I’ve been away too, long, I can see that now. I’ll be in the U.S. next weej – I’m almost afraid to go the the book store…
I’ve never heard of her…until now…
I’m more gourmand than gourmet, yet even I hate this woman.
Heck, any toddler (or fat doctor) can put ready-made things together. That she get paid for this is a television disgrace.
I never realized you had such a delightfully Broadwayesque voice. You should record more for your blog!
Sam, Meg and KatieZ – You have NO IDEA what you have been missing. Check out this recipe, where she basically has you baking a pre bought apple pie, then breaking the pie apart and putting the pieces with whipped cream between store bought puff pastry layers and drizzling the whole thing with liquer-laden cream cheese!
http://www.semihomemade.com/cooking/applepienapoleon.htm
Fat Doctor –
Oh dear, You used the H- word…
That means you too must reach down deep inside yourself, find your own inner Sandra Lee and join together with me in SINGING YOUR HATE AWAY!
Let’s go – grab the pastor, grab the kid, make it a family affair. Sing with me! We’ll take it straight to Broadway..or maybe striaght to hell.. but we’ll go singing!
I always wondered how the hell someone gave her a show. And yes, she’s a lush.
Love your lyrics!
You know, some of us don’t have loads of time to always shop fresh and locally, and just want to put a family meal on the table which shows some effort and a lot of love. I go by the spirit if not the letter of SL’s recipes and my (well-nourished) family enjoys the results. She may not be up to the standards of all y’all foodies, but she’s got a show on Food Network and you don’t. Why the hatin’?
Why?
Let’s see.
First, there’s the inherent deception in her method – call it yours, let industrial technicians in hairnets and hardhats feed your family.
Second, it’s what comes with (or fails to be included with) her “shortcuts” – even if I have a very heavy hand on the saltshaker, home-cooked food is lower in sodium than processed foods. I would sooner die than use hydrogenated fats at home, but food manufacturers can have .49 grams of trans- fat per serving and still label as trans-fat-free. In the case of things like farm-raised shrimp, they can come from places that don’t regulate antibiotics and other human drugs in feed. In short, you get food, but it comes with things you don’t want, or lacks the things you need (like fiber).
Third – she’s a lush. Graham Kerr pre-Treena has nothing on her.
Fourth – her recipes are generally calibrated to the lowest common denominator – load ’em up with salt/fat/flavor enhancers/sugar and let ’em fly. Nothing too dramatic, nothing too challenging.
Fifth, she has annoying television mannerisms. Google around and see what inspires her hate.
Sixth, she has some really wacky ideas about what goes together. See also: Kwanzaa Cake. Here’s the ingredient list:
bakery angel food cake
canned vanilla frosting
cocoa powder
vanilla
cinnamon
canned apple pie filling
popped popcorn
Corn Nuts.
‘Nuff said. I could go on for hours – she’s a step below Raytard ,, and that takes some serious doing.
I’m sympathetic to the plight of being busy – heck, I have a demanding gig, sick parents, etc and there are convenience products I use that I’m not particularly ashamed of – canned Muir Glen tomatoes are better than fresh 99% of the time where I live. I buy refrigerated salad dressing, because as the only one in the house who uses it, fresh is not an efficient use of time. I admit to frozen chicken thighs, frozen vegetables and the Trader Joe’s frozen brown rice (best convenience product *EVER* – 90 seconds to really good organic brown rice, compared to 40 minutes in the rice-o-matic). I also rarely make my own puff pastry (but I don’t use the shortening-filled crap that Aunt Sandy does), I hate making pie crust (warm hands melt fat) and there’s an all-butter crust at Whole Foods that is very good, and I don’t bake bread regularly.
But I think every brand of pre-breaded chicken product I’ve ever tasted resembles McNuggets. Prepackaged BBQ is loaded with high-fructose corn syrup, an ingredient I don’t believe I’ve ever seen at a real BBQ joint. Velveeta is just gross and should never be consumed unless it’s a playoff football game on the TV and the form is “queso dip”.
Here’s what it comes down to: French toast without a can of gloppy modified-food-starch-and-corn-syrup-based apple pie filling in it is perfectly delicious. Pancakes made from scratch take just enough extra time to measure the salt, sugar and leavening compared to just adding milk to Bisquick. The chicken in a pot from Cooks Illustrated Jan. edition is so good and so fast to prep you’ll never roast a bird again, let alone allow strangers to do it in some factory in Podunk, Arkansas. I can’t think of anything faster than, say, sauteeing spinach – but her veggie dishes are both loaded with added fat and slower to make.
It’s not her. It’s what she stands for.
E
Oh, TBTAM, you have opened up a (store-bought) can of worms here…:)
OBS
LOL! Did you write that? Clever!
I do make a good from scratch mac and cheese but sons preferred the fake stuff better. Artificial food is always so salty and fake tasting! I think so anyway.
They say if you shop the perimeters of a store that is where you will find most of the food closest to how God made it. Unfortunately, I have to go into enemy territory for tuna, olive oil, etc. 🙂
Hey…I happen to have those 4 ingredients AND a crock pot. Who knows? maybe your on to something! 😉
Thanks for the laugh! 🙂
I just read through your comments and the pie and cake recipes make me feel queasy at the thought. ugh!
Thant being said…I have a confession to make. Well the good part is I now have some beautiful chicken breasts roasting in a big pan with lot’s of little red potatoes,onions, celery and carrots (all fresh)and seasonings. Simple, easy and tasty! However…yes…I am using stovetop stuffing tonight! I know! Super processed-very salty. I am assuaging my guilt somewhat because I will be putting a whole apple in it-cut up. There ..I said it. Am I still allowed here?
Eric…frozen vegetables still contain nutrients because they are flash frozen right in the fields. I know someone who worked for Bird’s Eye and said that is what they did.
If you don’t use the fresh fruits and vegetable’s right away they can lose some of their vitamin content and the frozen veggies can actually contain more vitamins. That has been my understanding anyway. Please enlighten me if I am misguided on that. Of course there is nothing as good as FRESH! 🙂
One of my favorite things to buy at Costco an 88oz bag of stir fry vegetables…their Kirkland brand. Contains 11 premium frozen vegetables and I just love eating them with nothing else in a bowl…they are that good in my opinion and an excellent price too. Whole family likes them. 🙂
TBTAM- I am new to this blog. I hope the long post is alright. If not than please delete. Thanks!
Anonymous –
No one has time to cook a great meal every night (except maybe my motherinlaw, who it seems, did so even while working full time as a teacher….)
I think what irks me about Sandra is that what she is really doing is selling pre-packaged foods in the name of helping women.
But I agree, the hate for her has taken even me by surprise. Which brings me back to Eric…
Eric –
Do you need to sing again?
Seaspray – Can I come over for dinner? Sounds like a great dinner, though I guess you are right about the store bought stuffing. I would say you don’t even need it given all the rest of what you are serving…
Agree re frozen veggies.
Love Costco
Comment away, all are welcome…
My apologies for being absent for a while. I have been on the road for three weeks, and I am in India right now.
I had not heard of Sandra Lee before, but I hate what she is selling too.
I just wanted you to know that I just played the parody to the entire office of Indian workers, and they sang along. They know the song from Grease, and read the words and sang out loud.
They, as do I, think you are brilliant!
Namaste.
It’s sad to think there are people who watch her show and feed that stuff to their families. I’m old now and live alone and not much interested in cooking unless company is coming. Nowadays, I enjoy good frozen veggies to steam, and good meat or fish to cook plain, and fresh fruit, berries and nuts and cheeses. The recipes mentioned in this post and the comments are nauseating and really are recipes for many terrible health problems!
Thanks TBTAM! You would be welcome to share a meal with us but just know I can see my cooking skills pale in comparison to yours. I’d be tempted to pull you into the kitchen to work your magic. :)It was good and you’re right …stuffing not necessary, but one of my weaknesses. Homemade much better though and not so salty. I think they put too much salt to try to cover up the fake taste.
One of my favorite snacks is plain yogurt, cinnamon and any seeds or fruit I can add to it. If I am in a hurry I will use raisins. The cupboards are almost bare as I need to shop and so today I added cinnamon, walnuts and just a hint of pure maple syrup. I am so used to the plain yogurt that when I recently had a Dannon with apples and cinnamon yogurt (used to be my favorite) that it was way too sweet. It seemed sweeter than a candy bar! I do like candy though but this just didn’t seem right.
I’m singing! I’M SINGING! It’s cracking Jon up.
If I sound anti-frozen-veggies, please allow me to recant. I use CRATES of them – especially these. VERY good. Love the Caribbean Blend. Big chef-y cuts and interesting varieties. They’re a huge timesaver, and just 30 nutrient-packed calories per cup.
I admit, I eat crap like everyone else does. Specifically, I eat an astonishing number of Lean Cuisines, in an attempt to be serious about portion control and dropping a few pounds for my health. (try the Thai Chicken – truly delicious). Bagged spinach? Bring it on.
I don’t try to make a living promoting eating nothing but dressed-up processed crap, though, and that’s where I differ from Sandy.
OK, to prove I’m not a snob about this….I recently tried a recipe that called for that fakiest of fake products, butterscotch “morsels”. To my *great* surprise, these oatmeal butterscotch bars were phenomenal. I made a double batch and used an 18×13 half-sheet pan (I give away bushels of baked goods), and my only suggestion was that a touch more salt may be pleasing (I tend not to be a huge salt user, but I do find oats benefit from salt). They disappeared quite rapidly.
See! I can use an actual convenience food!
E
Shrugglin-
It’s SO GOOD to see you! The blog not been the same without you…
Welcome to all your Indian colleagues. Thank them for channeling their inner Sandra Lee. (We all need to do that once in awhile…) Also, please tell them to do a good job making our generic drugs. Also, tell them I made saag paneer once, and it was not too bad, though if they have a better recipe I would appreciate it. Make sure they take you out to excellent Indian restaurants, or even better, to their mother’s house for dinner.
Have a good rest of yout trip and I look forward, as does OBS, to your return.
XXOO
I love Sandra Lee. If some people hate someone they’ve never met, fine with me. I like her recipes and don’t mind using processed foods. Why should I spend hours in the kitchen if I don’t have the time. What a waste of time hating someone. Be more productive 🙂 Take the high road ‘I rather use 100% home-made ingredients, if she doesn’t well that’s ok’
Anonymous –
I love Sandra too, but not becuase of how she cooks. Because she is just too wacky to hate!
And I also use processed food sometimes. I just don’t think we need a TV program that pretends to be a cooking show but is really just selling processed foods. It’s playing to the worst in us, rather then the best in us.
Peace.
I think Sandra has a good show it is just on the wrong network. TFN is for people who actually like to cook. Sandra’s show is geared towards people who do not like or want to cook, but want other people to think they do. Her show should be on HGTV or some other network. She is a treat for the eyes, though.
I can see that most of you are not single guys with little time for anything but working and dating. I must admit that while I do prefer fresh foods, my lifestyle permitted me little time to enjoy home cooked meals.
Most of my cooking revolves around frozen dinners (the Lonely Man meals), canned foods (usually beef stew) and whatever salad the local deli was offering. Sandra Lee’s recipes (the quicker ones)are a godsend for a poor cook with no time on his hand. If I were to meet someone like her, I’d give up my bachelor ways and seek a serious relationship. Being married to a cook. What a fantastic dream.
Say what you want, but I won’t give up my mushroom soup! Whatever is in it sure makes better gravy than I do.
Eric–I couldn’t even get past looking at the ingredients on that “recipe.” (I despise her as much as you, I think.)
TBTAM–I am back to looking at all I have been missing. And missed I have. Wow! That is a phenomenal rendition–and if that is your voice, then “Hats off!” 🙂
Dr B-
Thanks! It is indeed my voice.
Hi–
My name is Jillian; I’m the editor of FoodNetworkHumor.com. I’d love to feature this song on our site, with full credit given to you of course. If you’d be interested, stop by the site and get ahold of us!
Jill
STILL LAUGHING over your Sandra Lee song. and i can't wait to send out the recipe to my bloggy pals. want to bet someone of them won't catch on??
and of COURSE Sandra Lee loves her cocktails. She can't eat her food….