It’s about taking advantage of those teachable moments that provide an opportunity for you to discuss sex with your child in a way that helps you find out what’s on their minds and also impart the values that can protect them from the consequences of beginning sexual activity too soon.
That fabulous video up there is from Planned Parenthood of NYC, and is filled with great tips, including a technique called the Four Steps that you can use when your kids ask the tough questions –
The Four Steps Technique
1. Normalize and Validate – “That’s an interesting question.”, and “What makes you ask me this today?” – this gives you context as to why the issue is on their mind.
2. Ask what they think the answer is – that let’s you know how much they know (or don’t know) on the topic at hand.
3. Give and honest answer in sync with your values. And finally,
4. Check for understanding.
I’ll never forget how I first learned about sex.
I was in 4th or 5th grade and I had a friend whose mom was single. This puzzled me, since every parent I knew was married (those were the days, huh?), so I asked my Mom how this could be so. My big brother, who happened to be standing there, whispered “That’s a sin!” Mom hushed him up, then brought me right upstairs to her bedroom, where she pulled out “The book” from her bureau drawer. (I don’t remember the name of it, but it was biologically correct.)
Right then and there, using the book as her guide, Mom gave me the 411 on the birds and the bees. Then she gave me the book to read. And although Mom surely imparted her values to me in that conversation, she was very careful not to judge my friend’s mom. I remember leaving the conversation mostly feeling sorry for her that she had to raise a child on her own, while we had this great family and a Dad who piled us into the station wagon and took us to the Drive-In movies.
A teachable moment, indeed. Thanks, Mom!
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You can also view the video in Spanish
that’s a great set of suggestions! my own kids started asking questions really young, like preschool, but they were after simpler information about bodies and babies and families than the whole birds/bees story at that point. their school had a great planned parenthood presentation for all 5th graders and their parents.
my own mother answered no questions directly, but kept running out for more library books. i finally figured out the mystery of how the egg and sperm meet via ribald jokes at a slumber party, which is pretty much not the ideal setting.
I keep coming back to this. I know this is serious, but… I can’t help thinking, please, don’t let my Mom see this and take it into her head to have “the talk.”
Please!
(Her version of the talk included one acceptable activity and a digression into the evil of “homos” [her word].)
You have a wonderful mom. Mine bothered to tell me that I'd get my period, but gave no details and never filled me in on the facts. I had no access to school classes. I managed to piece the facts together during my early teens with the help of my sister's biology book and A&P books I found in the library.
I admit I haven't really forgiven my mom for this. No child should be kept in the dark about such a personal and important subject nor be made to feel ashamed for asking questions.
All I did was buy a book that is readable at their level with classy pics and gave it to them to read. Then asked if they had any questions. The questions have been periodically coming. It’s been a smooth transition so far.
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Doctor House
Medical Videos
http://doctorstube.blogspot.com/
For the archives, let me recommend the "Midwest Teen Sex Show" (which is not what you'd (purposefully) think it might be) — it's aimed at, oh, say 11-12 and up, and I'm very impressed with it.
The fundamental problem, of course, though, is embarassed parents. Getting at the root of why talking to your kids about sex embarrasses you would probably not be a waste of time…