I just found out that one of my favorite patients has died.
She had metastatic cancer that presented some years after she had survived a previous and different cancer. Despite her diagnosis, she lived the final few years of her life in an ever-moving forward state of joy and self-satisfaction – working, exercising, developing new relationships, changing her hair style and color, buying great new clothes, traveling, even taking a lover. At her last visit, shortly after yet a new focus of cancer had been found, she was packing for a trip to Spain.
I think she packed more of life into those last years than many people do in a lifetime. This even more remarkable when I tell you that, at the time her metastatic cancer was diagnosed, she was already past the age at which most folks would have retired.
She was fortunate that she did not have significant pain or disability from her cancer. Also fortunate that her cancer was slow-growing, until it finally took her, at which point it was fast. Just a week or so from full steam ahead mode to the end, and only one of those days spent in the hospital.
She was also fortunate because she had a wonderful oncologist, who supported her desire not to be treated with with the kind of chemotherapy that could have destroyed the quality of any of her last days, even if there was some small chance it could lengthen those days. She also had a team of providers at the end who did not push for futile interventions, and family who were willing to let her go when it became clear that her time had come.
Of course, not every cancer lends itself to this kind of living or this kind of end. For some, the only treatments available, even those that are palliative, have tremendous side effects. For others, things move too quickly, and the pain and disability overwhelm any chance of finding joy in one’s last days. And when the cancer strikes at a much younger age, when there are so many more years of life and love to lose, who can blame folks for being willing to suffer though agonizing treatments as long as there is even a tiny chance of a cure?
So this post is not meant to be a judgement on how others with cancer ultimately face their diagnosis or their death.
It’s just me being happy for one that was able to find so much joy in facing hers.
And being inspired to live the days of my life, however long, with that same sense of joy and self-satisfaction that she lived hers.
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What song has that great lyric? “I’m gonna live, live, live until I die!” Such an important message, Peggy. Thanks. At the least we can have a positive impact (size doesn’t matter here) on one other person each day. That’s a joyful life.
That was refreshing to read. It’s inspiring to hear about the joy stories — they are hiding inside the deck of cards when the hand of cancer is dealt. Thank you for sharing. Condolences to you, and to her family.
Thank you for this post. Inspiring! She sounds like she was an amazing lady and would’ve been fun to know.
Your post is a nice tribute to her.
I’m sorry for your loss. She sounds like a really remarkable person.
What a refreshing insight! Thanks for posting!
Oh Peg, what a beautful tribute to a woman who who was able to embrace life with the knowledge that her death would probably come sooner than later; knowledge that most of us do not have. Inspiriational, thanks for sharing.